I don’t know whether any of you saw this brilliant US MINI advertising campaign a few years back. I laughed so hard, I had to have my poor wee starter motor replaced.

Which was more painful than you might think. Because we cars (with the exception of the Queen’s) tend not to get a general anaesthetic before someone rummages around in our engines with a dirty great spanner. Ooyah.

Goodness knows, I have a hard enough time getting a mechanic to scrub up first, let alone put on surgical gloves and one of those radge bandana things the docs used to wear on ER.

Anyway… where was I? Oh, aye: this counterfeit MINI business has been preying on my mind. I mean, do I look like a fake MINI?

I’d assumed I only looked like a fake cow. And that everyone knew beneath this attractive, hairy exterior there was an even more attractive interior, built to perfection. If a little short on modesty sometimes.

But maybe people think I’m a shaggy [insert name of uncool car here] instead? Or even worse – a [insert name of even uncooler car here]! Oh, man. I do hope not.